Phuket’s Full Moon Party

Filed in All posts, In the News, Articles, Lifestyle by on December 17, 2013

phuket fantasy in spacephuket_real_estate_in_spaceThe much publicised Chinese ‘Jade Rabbit’ mission to the moon has over shadowed Phuket’s planned first Luna landing. PASA (Phuket Aeronautics and Space Attempt) announced its own ambitious plans for a launch of the dubiously named ‘Rampant Rabbit‘ craft sometime next year.

The Director of the space mission, Mr. Lun Atik, has said “Over the last few months we have been training our astronauts using the lifts in Patong Tower and with several sessions, most making it all the way to the top of Phuket’s highest building, we are extremely confident of a successful trip.”

He went on to say “We had many applicants for the space programme, mainly from Phuket go-go girls who have no problem with the effects of zero gravity being used to spending many hours 3 metres off the ground suspended upside down.”

A permanent Space Station will be built on the moon – “The first thing we plan to do is set up a food stall, a couple of 7-Elevens, a new Phuket Fantasea and a Singha beer tent. A residential complex with Phuket style luxury villas for rent, each with its own launch pad is planned for the future. In addition to the traditional, terrestrial full moon party, full earth parties will be pretty much 24/7, or as we in the Phuket space industry like to say – 365/12.”

In the advent of some malfunction, linguists have been trying to teach the Thai astronauts the phrase “Houston – We have a problem” but as yet they can’t seem to get past “Phuket – Mai Pen Rai”.

The unmanned probe will in fact have two lady-boys on board; they just prefer to call it an unmanned mission. The pair, Kneel Armwrong and Ballz Allin, will ‘man’ the voyage, and the first words on landing are likely to be: “one small step for a man, one giant nightmare in these bloody heels.” Phuket’s top Indian Taylors have been working around the clock trying to perfect the astronauts’ space suits, complete with pink Kevlar boa feathers.

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Huggy Bear is our man on the Phuket streets, with his ear to the ground (usually due to an excess of vodka) he will fill us in on what is hip, hop and happenin'....da word is that if Huggy doesn't know what da word is den da word aint worth knowing. A long term inmate of 'toon town his slightly twisted way of looking at Thailand should be informative, incisive and politically correct, we stress 'should be' as it rarely is any of the above.

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